Friendship First

Sacred Companions is a service that prioritizes friendship rather than touch, money, time or anything else. Why?

  1. We are sensitive creatures. We have learned from the culture and people around us to be less sensitive than we actually are, to numb out to fit in, and to play roles that are socially appropriate but that disconnect us from our naturalness and selfness. Reconnecting with our naturalness and selfness is important. It allows us to inhabit and be emotionally connected with our own experience. Before connecting with each other and sharing experience we should get well-connected to our own. This befriending process makes sure that we are each connected with ourselves and able to be honest about what we are experiencing.
  2. Many of us feel so much pressure to be normal and to unconsciously and immediately meet others’ needs that we go through life without knowing our own needs. The normalness that we have internalized has set up the choices we think we have. Realizing we have more and better choices usually requires feeling safe with someone and feeling encouraged to share thoughts and feelings that may not be socially correct, but are personally correct. We need encouragement to be personal, most of all with ourselves, and then as a basis for connecting as personal beings, rather than as roles.
  3. Touch is personal and it is important to make it comfortable. Many of us have not been touched much, and we are starved for it. Touch can let loose a flood of feelings that make talking difficult; it is just too much information to both experience and organize at the same time. Working out the kind of touch we want before it begins, and setting up hand signals that we can use when we cannot speak are important.
  4. Touch expands us. It is important to set the direction of that expansion while in our normal state of awareness so that when we return to our normal state of awareness we can integrate the experience we just had. If we are going to use touch as a spiritual and consciousness practice that expands who we feel we are to inspire growth and change, caring for our normal state of awareness and the personality that supports it are part of doing it successfully.
  5. Connecting safely is important. Many of us do not know how to do this well because the people we learned our roles and personalities from did not know how to do it well. It is important that we learn how to do it; to connect safely with ourselves, with our own experience, and with others, exercising sensitivity, politeness and kindness that may be unfamiliar to us, or that we have not practiced much. Our culture teaches us to seek intense experiences. Connecting safely helps us understand the intensity we are ready and able to digest.
  6. Civilization is run by professional predators who normalize hurting and stealing from others in order to profit. Their way of operating— using each other, getting from each other whatever we can—is like a social infection that many of us catch. Getting firmly rooted in friendship helps us clear out any parts of this we may have unconsciously picked up. We are here to play by older, more natural rules that allow us to learn and grow together in ways that benefit both of us. Setting up a way of interacting based on honesty, friendship, loyalty and connectedness can take some work; we may actually have to practice it to make sure it is working, and realize we are playing this way. Its pay-offs include being able to relax, ask for the kind of support and connectedness that heal us, receive it, and have sustainable, nourishing relationships.
  7. Taking off social roles equals taking off our tension. When the feelings inside us can be directly expressed, either in words, sounds or gestures, the pressure between what we feel and what we show is relieved. Many of us live in the container of roles where we have to perform a specific way; often in ways that treat others’ feelings as more important than our own or controlling others to get what we do not know how to give ourselves. Dissolving that container, being able to have our own feelings freely and express them, restores the naturalness and selfness that make us comfortable, and help us become confident that who we naturally and personally are is both wanted and functional.

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